Why are good girls being exploited

I feel taken advantage of by my BFF

Dear Gabi,

I really like you and I think your site is great. Let's get to my problem: I feel that my BFF has treated me badly and exploited me.

-she only writes to me when she needs something from me,
- only call me if she doesn't feel like learning,
-blocks me for no reason and when I ask her why she sends me such a smilie who hits her head,
-she always writes to me on Whats app that my profile pictures are weird and not so nice things,
- if you e.g. asks what my favorite song is and I answer then she always says that it's totally weird and something (I mean, you don't actually do that, right?)
-if I call her during the holidays, she never has time,
-I once asked her what I am for her and she always only says a friend even though I confided so much about myself to her,
-if I need something from her I never get it,
-but if I don't answer your question right away, you are immediately offended,
-When we argue, I usually take the first step and say that I'm sorry and whether we can make up again?

But she just ignores my messages. I feel really bad because I take it all very close to my heart. I have the feeling that she is only nice to me in school because she has no one else there. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong And I've cried a lot about it and it wears me out, but she doesn't really care.

Please help me, I'm totally desperate.
best regards

from Lillie

Gabi's answer

Dear Lillie,

thank you for your mail and your trust! I can understand your anger, disappointment and also your despair very well - the feeling of being exploited is simply shit, you can't paraphrase that nicely.

While reading your mail, I asked myself what was it about your BFF? What do you like about her? I don't think friendship is perfect. There are always days when you are very close to your girlfriend, and then again days when you are practically strangers. In the best case scenario, this is balanced. With you, however, I have the feeling that the disappointment with your girlfriend prevails and there are hardly any things that make you happy in this friendship. It's like a game between you: your BFF blocks you or offends you in some way and you are hurt, puzzled and wondering what's up.

Get out of this game, dear Lillie. Just go a new way. For example, during the next vacation you can simply no longer call and ask what your BFF is doing. Or if she writes something to you on WhatsApp that she thinks you are weird, reply with laughing emojis and a "I think it's cool." Have a look around: are there any other girls you get on well with? Then do something with them.

It's not about running out of time for your BFF or always offending her. Just stand up for yourself more. You are great the way you are - and nobody should question that. You are not doing anything wrong, on the contrary. Look what a great friend you are! You write to me because you worry so much - not every girlfriend does that. And if your BFF doesn't see or don't want to see that, then broaden your circle of friends. That way, your thinking will no longer be so focused on your BFF and you will have a lot of great new experiences.

Lots of love, Gabi