Can't you be kind
How you learn to be kind to yourself
In the last post I wrote about how nonsensical self-criticism is. If you always criticize yourself, how do you want to have a lovable relationship with yourself that is built on tolerance and love?
To be kind to yourself does not mean that you ignore mistakes you have made and do not look closely, that would not be right, because there is nothing you can learn better from your own mistakes.
Children treat themselves kindly
A child who falls from a certain height because of carelessness will be more careful next time.
But it will not occur to the idea to judge itself for having climbed so high.
Children don't know the strategy of judging themselves, they just learn.
Our inner voice is such that it just likes to babble on, without periods and commas, and also very decisive.
That can hurt us because what the voice tells us can hit us right where we are easily vulnerable.
The voice wants to protect us, but does not always choose the right words because it is not used to speaking to us differently.
Therefore I would like to introduce you to a strategy how you can deal with your inner critic differently.
It's easy and mostly automatic that we tend to blame ourselves.
Our inner voice follows a habit
That is the habit.
You can imagine it like a computer program that runs in the background, suddenly it pops up and speaks up.
The trick is to notice exactly that, to realize that the time has come again, that the program “Inner Critic” or whatever you like to call it has started.
It's a form of mindfulness.
It would not be helpful to denounce the inner voice now, because actually it only wants your best and is worried about you.
You could thank your voice, for example with the words: "Thank you for pointing this out to me, but I can do it." Or also: "I know that the situation is challenging, but I am sure that I will find a solution for it"
If you treat yourself kindly, other things are possible
It helps to do things differently, and being kind to yourself is different from blaming yourself or thinking badly of yourself.
This creates the space to look at things in a solution-oriented manner.
This changes your perspective and you are not your critic, but a good friend, possibly even a really good friend and maybe even your best friend.
Someone who is at your side with words and deeds.
Who also comforts you when things don't go the way you imagined.
Loving and constructive.
The next time your inner critical voice comes back, you can just take a few deep breaths, thank the voice and be kind to yourself.
As I already wrote above, completely different things are suddenly possible because the focus is no longer on what you have not done well, but what you can learn from it.
And that will help you keep growing.
I use this method on myself as well, and I get on very well with it.
I wish you the same.
Best regards and good luck trying it out
Sustainable change works when we have a clear “YES” from ourselves and we are in harmony with our goals. This also includes courage and the will to leave your comfort zone. My name is Michael and I work as a life and business coach (IHK).
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